Friday, March 19th 2010

Everything's so wrong today^^

While my National Examination is approaching, I still busy with a bunch of feeling-problem, which really-really squeeze my tears til the last drop.

All I can do is smiling^____^
and laughing as well :D

Because a weak heart won't last to the end. And I won't be a loser, I don't want to regret this in the future^^. That's why I'm smiling and stick my cracked heart from inside.

I should know that love can hurts me more than the most enemy. Friends, lover, family... they're high-risked :D"... Maybe I've give to much. Maybe I just have to keep some for myself, so that I'll have barrier if something happens-___-"

Enough...
It becomes more painful
and more difficult inside
:D
smile and
bye-bye hard thingies :D

How to Save a Life, The Fray

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And would I have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And I pray to God he hears you
And I pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And would I have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
You will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And would I have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life
How to save a life

January 9th 2010, Tuesday

I'm reading The Shack (William P. Young). It is indeed a good book.

Now I can see how fragile my faith is.
The Lord is my strength, I shall not be afraid.

Even I'm unworthy, He always loves me deeply. His love is unchanging, forever will be.
Forgive me my weakness, help me to live in You and You within me. So that I won't ask your wisdom while I am so ignorant.

February 8th 2010

Happy birthday to myself (P F: February 4th)
I'm seventeen, finally^^

Thanks to my mom who gave her best for the day
Thanks to my grandma for the same reason^^
Thanks to my dearest one, for everything that you did and gave to me, made my day so special
Thanks for my mother's friends, I can't say one by one, but thanks to you all
Thanks to my beloved IA7 friends, for the surprise (coffee + butter + flour + egg + soy sauce)
Thanks for my beloved choir, for your surprise (I love Doggy so much, sorry he's not Lui or Cinluko, wkwkwkwk)and for your singing
Thanks to God for making me reach these days
I love you all so much^^

February 1st 2010

Sky, gloomy sky
you gave me rain this day>___<"
thank you, i love it even it was rather disturbing :D"
Please send my best regard
for my father in heaven
who celebrates his birthday today^^
Let him know how much we love him
and miss him

For my dearest boyfriend, thank you for accompanying me to the grave today^^
It means a lot

Dearest God thanks for the day
I love you^^

January 28th 2010, Thursday

Everything starts to be better^^.

I could start this day with smile and it helped me through the day... It's more tiring than the other days, I was soooo sleeepy along the lessons...

Yesterday I got my Laboratories-Time... The first was Biology, and we learned about fermentation. My group, my beloved group since I was in the eleventh grade, gets tea-fermentation, whatever it means... we just added the yeast to six jars of tea then wrapped three of them with banana's leaves (why didn't we just use paper? I had no idea)

My friends laughed me a lot when they saw me brought a banana leaf (still in its ordinary shape, I didn't cut it) because the others brought them in pieces form... Gosh, the night before I took the leaf with pretty great effort... At 10 p.m, I walked around, searching for the banana-tree... Lucky me, there was a boy, some years older than me, who was watering the road (?)

Me: "Excuse me... Can I take one your banana's leaf?
Boy: "Oh, just go ahead"
M: [watched the mini banana trees for a while and realized that I didn't bring any knife]
B: [watched me enthusiastically]
M: [murmured in frustation and started cutting, the leaf's branch (?) with my thumb's nail]
B: [fell his mouth open in shock]

A girl, asking for banana's leaf at night and cutting it with her nail... I think he thought that I was Kuntilanak (a woman's ghost) or such as :))

Actually we have to observe those jars today, but the Biology Lab was closed... So... :D We didn't have to taste the yeasted-tea, wkwkwkwk...

January 25th 2010, Monday

I ruin everything

I didn't mean to hurt him at all, but that's what I did exactly. Now he's angry to me, for the first time as long as I can remember.
My words did hurt me too, as much as it did to him... more than it, I think. Can he see, that as the one who'll leave, I can't expect anything from him? Because I love him too much, and his happiness is above everything I care of?
It's so painful
It's all my fault
I'm the one who'll go
I'm the one who hurt us both
Such an idiot
I'm really sorry, dear