January 28th 2010, Thursday

Everything starts to be better^^.

I could start this day with smile and it helped me through the day... It's more tiring than the other days, I was soooo sleeepy along the lessons...

Yesterday I got my Laboratories-Time... The first was Biology, and we learned about fermentation. My group, my beloved group since I was in the eleventh grade, gets tea-fermentation, whatever it means... we just added the yeast to six jars of tea then wrapped three of them with banana's leaves (why didn't we just use paper? I had no idea)

My friends laughed me a lot when they saw me brought a banana leaf (still in its ordinary shape, I didn't cut it) because the others brought them in pieces form... Gosh, the night before I took the leaf with pretty great effort... At 10 p.m, I walked around, searching for the banana-tree... Lucky me, there was a boy, some years older than me, who was watering the road (?)

Me: "Excuse me... Can I take one your banana's leaf?
Boy: "Oh, just go ahead"
M: [watched the mini banana trees for a while and realized that I didn't bring any knife]
B: [watched me enthusiastically]
M: [murmured in frustation and started cutting, the leaf's branch (?) with my thumb's nail]
B: [fell his mouth open in shock]

A girl, asking for banana's leaf at night and cutting it with her nail... I think he thought that I was Kuntilanak (a woman's ghost) or such as :))

Actually we have to observe those jars today, but the Biology Lab was closed... So... :D We didn't have to taste the yeasted-tea, wkwkwkwk...

January 25th 2010, Monday

I ruin everything

I didn't mean to hurt him at all, but that's what I did exactly. Now he's angry to me, for the first time as long as I can remember.
My words did hurt me too, as much as it did to him... more than it, I think. Can he see, that as the one who'll leave, I can't expect anything from him? Because I love him too much, and his happiness is above everything I care of?
It's so painful
It's all my fault
I'm the one who'll go
I'm the one who hurt us both
Such an idiot
I'm really sorry, dear

Fireflies lyric, Owl City

you would not believe your eyes
if ten million fireflies lit up the world as i fell asleep
'Cause they'd fill the open air
and leave teardrops everywhere
you'd think me rude but I would just stand and stare

Chorus:
I'd like to make myself believe
that planet Earth turns slowly
Its hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems

'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs from ten thousand lightning bugs
as they tried to teach me how to dance
A foxtrot above my head
a sock hop beneath my bed
a disco ball is just hanging by a thread

(chorus)

When I fall asleep leave my door open just a crack
(please take me away from here)
'Cause I feel like such an insomniac
(please take me away from here)
why do I tire of counting sheep
(please take me away from here)
when I'm far too tired to fall asleep

To ten million fireflies
I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell
but I'll know where several are
if my dreams get real bizarre
'cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar

Chorus (x2)

(I fall asleep)
I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Because my dreams are bursting at the seams

What a Catch lyric, Fall Out Boys

I've got troubled thoughts and the self-esteem to match
What a catch, what a catch, whoa-oh

You'll never catch us, so, just let me be instead
I'll be fine 'til the hospital or American embassy
Miss Flack said, “I still want you back”
Yeah, Miss Flack said, “I still want you back”

I've got troubled thoughts and the self-esteem to match
What a catch, what a catch
And all I can think of is the way I'm the one who charmed
The one who gave up on you, who gave up on you

They say the captain goes down with the ship
So, when the world ends, will God go down with it?
Miss Flack said, “I still want you back”
Yeah, Miss Flack said, “I still want you ba-a-ack”

I've got troubled thoughts and the self-esteem to match
What a catch, what a catch
And all I can think of is the way I'm the one who charmed
The one who gave up on you, who gave up on you

Na na nanana
Na na nanana
Na na nanana
Na na nanana

What a catch, what a catch
What a catch, what a catch

[Elvis Costello]
I will never end up like him
Behind my back, I already am
Keep a calendar
This way, you will always know

[Patrick Stump]
I've got troubled thoughts and the self-esteem to match
What a catch, what a catch
And all I can think of is the way I'm the one who charmed
The one who gave up on you, who gave up on you

[Gabe Saporta]
(Where is your boy tonight?
I hope he is a gentlemen
Maybe he won't find out what I know
You were the last good thing about this part of town)

[Travis McCoy]
(We're going down, down in an earlier round
And sugar we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with the bullet
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it)

[Brendan Urie]
(Dance, dance, we're falling apart to half time
Dance, dance, and these are the lives you'd love to lead
Dance, this is the way they’d love if they know
How misery loves me)

[Doug Neuman]
(This ain't a scene, it’s a God damn arms race
This ain't a scene, it’s a God damn arms race)

[Alex DeLeon]
(One night, yeah, one more time
Thanks for the memories
Even if they weren't that great
He tastes like you, only sweeter)

[William Beckett]
(Growing up, growing up)

[Patrick Stump]
I've got troubled thoughts and the self-esteem to match
What a catch, what a catch

January 24th 2010, Sunday

How about spending your weekends around the Last Exam's course, you ask?
It's horrible

It's tiring, stessful...
I haven't met him for three days and it feels so bad... I'm having periodical bad mood in some last days, and I feel sorry for him... Looks like he's kinda angry to me?

Well, three hours for biologies and two for physics is a real temptation. Geez...
God helps me through this...
He holds me tight and never let me down...

Amen

January 15th 2010, Friday

Today isn't Freeday... It's a chaos...

I know that I shouldn't complain, but still it feels so hard these days...

God leads me through the dark temptation...
Let me be strong enough
and wise enough
to not asking your order